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It’s funny to me, to hear all the people saying how I’m just a kitty or the friendly giant or the cute puppy. I smile when I hear it.
Usually it’s because of the situation, Id be saying how I’ll torture them, or murder them, or leave them in a pool of their own blood while the life slowly drains from their eyes and they will just look at me, laugh or pat me on the head and say suuuure, course you will, you is all terrifying and stuff and then smile, call me a lovable puppy or say how I wouldn’t have it in me to raise a finger to them.
It can also be because they usually have no idea how wrong they are.
Most of the people I know don’t know how hateful I can truly be, how much I truly want to kill some people and just wouldn’t be able to stop myself if they went overboard.
Or that I actually wouldn’t want to…
My father is one of those people.
I despise my father and hope he rots in hell after enduring a very long, painful, drawn out death.
I know a lot of people say that they hate one or more of their parental units from time to time but for most it’s a fleeting remark that is ignored by some and forgotten by most and it will probably sound presumptuous or big headed to say that my hatred is more intense than a lot of theirs but it probably is.
I haven’t spoken a civil word to my father in about eleven years and I have no regrets about it and the times I have spoken to him since have been because of being forced through various methods or my mother convincing me that at times it’s the courteous thing to do no matter how much I don’t want to.
But yeah, I despise him and want nothing to do with him but recently he asked my brother and sister for my number.
I had taken this into account as a possible occurrence and had asked them to give my 085 number so that they wouldn’t get into trouble and I wouldn’t have to put up with him texting my regular number.
Yesterday I get a text from him to the 085 number which I ignored. My sister then comes to me with the message later on of why I decided not to reply.
That’s what really pissed me off, I haven’t willingly spoken to him in so long and he wonders why I didn’t reply?
But anyway, that got me to send a reply, to which he replied that I seemed a bit bitter and he didn’t know why. So I informed him and he decided to tell me that he didn’t like the lack of respect that I had in the message and that I was being immature about things and that I need a more positive outlook or I’ll never be happy.
Well fuck you too!
He says how we could talk so I can get a balanced look at things but I don’t see how he can justify treating me like shit when I was younger or the continued drink driving with my younger siblings in the van, I tell him how I don’t care what happens to him but he will care about my actions if his stupidity injures my brother and sister.
Apparently he is disappointed with my response but to be honest I don’t care.
All I know is that if he does get my brother and sister injured or killed I will murder him. I have no delusions about that. He has been warned by people not to risk Eoin and Gra but he chooses to ignore it and that is something that I will not let go.
But yeah, big cuddly teddy bear to a lot of people. I wonder how they would feel if they ever saw just how deadly, vicious and emotionally uncaring I can be when my hatred is allowed to run free…
I haven’t done what I said I would, I didn’t get Alton towers documented like I thought I would so now I have to write it as one really long one and while I have most of it written I had other things to get done too so I shall back date it and the other ones to their original posting date and all shall be right again.
Right, well obviously I ain’t blogging while on holiday with no laptop so I have a notepad to write these entries on before transferring then to the interwebs with the correct timestamp.
But anyway, with that notification out of the way I shall continue.
At this moment in time I am on a boat (with the song I’m on a boat running through my head =P), sitting in a very comfortable armchair enjoying coffee and tango with two amazing views, the ocean passing all around and Cheryl sleeping beside me =)
It was an eventful enough morning. Arrived at Bus Eireann with plenty of time and discovered that the bus we were to get was not on the departure board so took a look around and ended up at the wrong gate (admittedly there was an advertisement for Alton Towers and parents with a child so confusion was understandable) and it took a while before we realised our folly and headed towards the information desk, where of course there is nobody…
We find a helpful driver who points us towards the Galway gate where our bus for Dublin port is (sure where else would it be -_-) and we board and whip out our gameboy colours and start playing pokémon =D
Our bus driver is hilarious, he is a grumpy polish guy and when he has to stop for us to go get our tickets he is effing and blinding and gesturing wildly to show his displeasure at the person who told him at the gate.
We all disembark to him saying how “this is a fucking disgrace” and that this has never happened before, but sure it is no hassle and within ten minutes we are heading back towards the bus to him saying how terrible that was and muttering but sure overall he is a nice guy, actually taking all of our bags and storing them and answering all the questions pleasantly and having a laugh with the first four people who took the first four seats laughing about how the back of the bus wont bite either =P
Cheryl’s reaction was great as we boarded the boat, see the bus drove onto the boat so we didn’t walk on and Cheryl couldn’t get over it for a while.
“We are on the water! On a bus! On a boat! It’s insane!!!”
It’s great, she is able to read through biochemistry or molecular biology and wrap her head around it in an instant but the idea of a bus on water took a while to sink in. It’s one of the many reasons that going with her is so great =)
But yeah, we wandered around, investigating and strolling before the tea, coffee and comfy chairs and now I think it’s time to head around some more and see if there is a way to the outer deck so I’ll leave it at this and continue the writing at a later time.
*Success, you can go outside but they are washing it down so I’ll have to wait about fifteen minutes to be able to get outside. It’s worth the wait though =D*
I just can’t get MGM out of my head.
He is a great guitarist and he has some great youtube videos and I just cant stop watching them.
My favourite videos of his are Guitar: Impossible and Guitar: Bumble.
These are them here.
Guitar: Impossible
Guitar: Bumble
Go to his page if you like his stuff and subscribe if you are feeling really generous because I really want him to make more videos and the more subscribers the more videos…
Enjoy.
I is not a serial killer =D
The meeting of the parents went quite well, apparently I am really nice and well spoken, something that people from Cabra are not usually associated with =P
While I wasn’t nervous I cant really put that down to not being worried about it, it was more because I was in such a good mood that I think I would have walked out of the house still smiling even if her father had taken a huge disliking to me and punched me in the jaw.
But that didn’t happen, I just went in, introduced myself, shook hands, helped sort out their new radio (which I think got me some nice brownie points) and then me and Cheryl left to go for a wander and enjoy the evening.
Ok, so there was a bit more conversation regarding names and introductions and exams and the trip to Alton Towers but it was all regular stuff…
The one thing that does stick out though was her father saying how “this was just to make sure that our Cheryl wasn’t going away with a serial killer”. I found it so hard not to say, ah sure, I’m just a charming serial killer =P
Because in fairness, serial killers are normally very charming people which is how they get their victims…
But anyway, the main thing is, I didn’t make an ass of myself in front of the parents and for that I am quite glad =)
Now all I have to do is make a good impression on Chris and I’m sorted =)
Ok, I know that earlier I said that I was delighted about having the exams over and done with but at the time I didn’t know what I was on about.
I was on the train reading the Metro on my way home with my earphones in when Alan gets on. Me, being engrossed in an article about magic wands and muscle clenchers didn’t notice him at first but then when I glanced around after reading I was sure I recognised him.
But anyway, we got chatting about music and about how Aislinn had insulted both of us because we both have flutes and then we got talking about college and phones and internet and whatnot.
I don’t know what it was but talking to him seems to have been the catalyst for the extreme delight that I was feeling about the exams being over, even Broombridge seemed nice…
From there I went to work and I haven’t been so hyper or giddy in work in quite a while! Luckily it was kinda busy or I would have driven myself crazy with nothing to do.
Another thing that was highly amplified was the delight at getting to see Cheryl later on. Every time she entered my head I just couldn’t wait for work to be over so that I could rush out to meet her. Even the fact that it wasn’t all about Cheryl that I was heading out – her parents are now demanding that I be introduced to them before we go to Alton Towers – it didn’t take away from the delight. The meeting of her parents just seemed like a very little and easily manageable situation. I was just in such a great mood that it just couldn’t go wrong!
Well I’m going to be heading in a few minutes so I guess I’ll find out how infectious my good mood is in a little while…
The exams are all over and done with! I is now free!
Well, for a while anyway…
I have to go catch a train and get to work for a few hours before heading home, grabbing a quick shower and then heading out to meet Cheryl’s parents.
Should be an interesting day =)
Ok, I just have to say this, I have a truly fantastic girlfriend, I mean absolutely amazing!
Ok, today I had a great day, it’s hard to believe that even with my indifferent nature towards birthdays I had so much fun today.
See today is my 21st and while for most people it’s a case of WOOHOO I’M 21, for me, it’s more like meh, there’s a different number after the 2 now. Birthdays have never appealed to me but seen as I am going out with Cheryl there was no way that id be able to just lie low for this one…
To start the day off I had an exam today, not the best thing to have on your birthday but it seemed to go quite well and I was just under half a page from filling up the answer booklet so maybe I did ok.
Then after the exam I was kidnapped, I knew that something was going to be happening seen as I was told that something was going to happen to me and that I should be worried about it but even with the warning I was by no means ready for what occurred.
Cheryl, Aislinn and Ciaran came walking up the hall around from lower loftus where I had my exam and Aislinn came up and grabbed my arm pulling me closer to the others when wham, blam, and squirt, I was covered with silly string before fleeing to the toilets.
I take a peak out the door and see Ciaran going into the adjacent door and I leave but am confronted by Cheryl and Aislinn who get a little squirt before security comes and tells us that he will get our details unless we stop messing, just as Ciaran bursts out and covers me in more of the string and the security guys face starts to darken while Cheryl and Aislinn try to tell him to stop but he doesn’t seem to hear them for a few minutes. Needless to say we are kicked out of the building before too long…
Then I end up outside, trying to clean off the silly string but not being overly successful what with more of it being sprayed onto me constantly. Eventually I manage to use some quick thinking to distract the assailants for a few minutes and get the string out of my hair resulting in purple hands so off we trot to a toilet where I try to clean off the dye but it only spreads…
Then it’s off to the roost for a bit of breakfast/lunch where we will be meeting up with a few other people.
We get there and head for the corner where we get talking and having a laugh and then I am given some presents. I couldn’t believe how great they were to get me anything. Of them all I think the one that was most talked about and sought out was the nunchucks, which I still cant, believe that Cheryl got me.
After more people arriving and talking and laughing and food gotten and consumed and whatnot we got back to messing and me getting covered in more silly string which was something that Id say the staff were not overly delighted about but screw them, we all had a good laugh for it which is what matters, I get some bit of revenge with my tickling ways but am then beaten up with my own present…
I am then informed that I need to go to the toilet or in other words feck off, you cannot see the cake before we want you to so I am banished to the toilets to await a phone call telling me to come back.
I arrive back a few minutes later and a pink barbie cake is there awaiting me with a 21 candle in it =D
It was great, I blew it out, making the wish and then was set upon by a few people that all wanted to administer my 21 birthday beatings, needless to say I was getting punched for a few minutes before the beatings subsided, then we sit down with cake and demolish the one recognisable face that is barbie =P
Afterwards it was time to head to the train and head back to reality and home where my siblings had to add their own beatings, my sister along my spine and my brother hitting so hard that he actually hurt his wrist and arm from putting so much force into his punches…
But yeah, I had a great day, loads of fun and laughs and everything that goes with a birthday and for a person that doesn’t care about birthdays, that’s quite a praise =)
No matter how well the intent they always seem to come back to haunt you.
Whats supposed to happen when the person that made this summer so much better than other summers is so delighted and happy and when, by chance, she mishears something that you say and instead of correcting her you run with it because, to you, it will both allow her to have a clearer head and not feel guilty about me seeing so much of her or wanting to spend so much time with her.
I know that most people will say that yes, its wrong to have kept information from her and yes, it may have been for selfish reasons that I wanted to see her smile more often without worry or hear the delight in her voice when she was making plans for next year.
Id say that the most selfish reasons behind it was fear. I was worried about how it could turn out and if I saw my own fears reflected in her eyes I dont think that I would have been able to be truly at peace with her the way I loved.
But of course none of that matters now because things didnt work out as i had hoped they would, the best part of the summer has yet to come but unfortunatly it could be slightly marred by the one thing I did to to make it as amazing as i know that it can be.
As foolish as it sounds, the only justification that I can say for it is that I was stupid and foolish and afraid that if she knew how stupid I could be that she would find someone that is more deserving of her brilliance.
I guess i was just afraid of loosing her…
